No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize