I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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