oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
