he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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