I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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