Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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