through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize