I wanna bring you to show and tell
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
