i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
