We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
