Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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