i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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