Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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