He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
