Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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