weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
