I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
