organizing the empties. That sober.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
