its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
