I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
