Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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