I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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