My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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