Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
