What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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