You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
