The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
