i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
