You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
