We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
