I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
