when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
