wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Alive.
So much puke
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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