there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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