Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
