im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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