my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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