wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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