How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
