your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
