I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
