so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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