i would punch a child for taco bell
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
