Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Screwed.edu
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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