He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
