so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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