Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
