I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
