I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
