It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
