Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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