I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
