Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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