i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
