she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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