I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
