Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
