If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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