You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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