I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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