There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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