I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
