she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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