I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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