We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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