the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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