Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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