the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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