marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
