Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
