I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize