Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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