I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize