I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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