I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
